Obsessive Love

Obsession!

It’s safe to say that by the time we’re adults, we’ve met that certain-someone that’s driven us up the wall — in a good way. You want to do everything for them, you want to make them as happy as can be in every way you can, you wonder what they’re thinking, you wish you could fully express just how much they make you thrilled to be alive…!

Or some such combination of these feelings.

Basically it’s all the normal flutter and glitter of being in love or in lust or in that shiny-new-partner phase with someone. Harmless, well and good. Eventually as we begin to meld into partnership with this person, in whatever it’s form — a serious relationship, an open-ended “thing”, a fling, a marriage, casual dating, etc — we learn more about this person and about ourselves. The strengths and insecurities begin to dance. Some people get scared or angry or whatever and break things off, others realize their love or whatever is solid and want to work on being together, and others are… well … dysfunctional psychopaths.

“If I can’t have you, no one will!” That classique cliche is rooted in some serious psychoemotional issues. Our friends at Enotalone have a very enlightening article, “The Obsessive Love Wheel“, where they detail the way obsessive love relationships progress:

Phase 1 – Attraction Phase: obsessor focuses on looks and wants to rush immediately into a relationship, holding little to no regard for questions of compatibility.

Phase 2 – Anxious Phase: obsessor must be in constant contact with their partner, based off of a deep fear of abandonment, and they begin to distrust their partner. They increasingly try to control their partner.

Phase 3 – Obsessive Phase: obsessor ramps up the control and monitoring behaviors, and develops a kind of tunnel vision, where everything in their life and actions surrounds the relationship they feel that they have with their partner.

Phase 4 – Destructive Phase: obsessor feels loss, a severe drop in self-esteem, depression, rage, self-blame, etc., upon being “dumped” by their partner.

If you’re in a relationship where you or your partner have started to exhibit signs like these or other unhealthy manifestations, seek help! See the following:

Love Addiction

Obsessive Love: When It Hurts Too Much to Let Go

Building Healthy Relationships, from The Safe Space.org

Ending Abusive Relationships

These are suggestions for ways to seek help, and not end-all-be-all answers to your unique issues if they are present. Look to your local resources, self-improvement/support groups, therapists, or hotlines for immediate help.

Safe4All

National Domestic Violence Hotline: 800-799-SAFE (7233)

Eminent Domain

Why do some people break and others yelling a raging FUCK YOU when pressed by the will of someone or something else?

In “Raging Love, for wherever you are“, the main theme of this story is engulfing. Flames engulf, obsessive love can engulf, compulsions, “ticks”, manias and money can engulf. Mia admits that eminent domain is a “soft spot” for her, as she doesn’t consider herself to be as villainous or greedy as her fellow rich-folks. Our friends at Wikipedia describe eminent domain as “is the inherent power of the state to seize acitizen’s private property, expropriate property, or seize a citizen’s rights in property with due monetary compensation, but without the owner’s consent.”

The other side of this is something 60 Minutes covered some time ago, where they discuss how the government and private corp’s can also take property for private use. Describing these uses as for the “public good”, the concept and process of eminent domain throws into question all our standard notions of ownership, not to mention how much control we have over developing or building our own environments. In my short story, a once artsy but largely poor neighborhood was slowly being eaten up by condos, in a more standardized and rapid version of “gentrification”, like the type we’ve seen in my native Brooklyn’s Williamsburg neighborhood. (Some more info on that here, if you’re curious.)

Tomorrow: More stories about exes, breakups, relationships that just won’t die even though they clearly have to, and neat (and safe!) tricks to do with fire. Teehee!

Doin’ It vs. Not Doin’ It

Doin’ It. 

Ah, you gotta love the joy of sex. Not the book (though I’ve heard it’s good). The actual joy — the thrill of the chase, the first kiss, the wonder of what the other person will feel like, or what their reaction will be when you do your favorite signature “thing” you like to do to a lover. Or simply the familiarity of a partner, the secureness of adventure, the unclaimed then reclaimed territories of your bodies and imaginations. The work, the “happy soreness” of the next day, the noises, the ideas, all of it!

In Annabelle’s diary in The Distance Between Here and Space, she writes: “Maybe that’s why people are so insistent on judging promiscuous people – sex brings out the deepest and the weirdest and the truest parts of you.”

And oftentimes that is true. What good things has it brought out in you? Have you discovered anything through it?

From discovering our beauty as humans to loving the feeling of giving and receiving pleasure, to “hey I had NO idea I could bend that way!”, one discovers some interesting things about themselves during sex. As someone who spent several years reclaiming or sexuality and her right to it, it’s something that’s even MORE special and fun when you discover the self-ownership that comes with it as well.

Not Doin’ It

Ah the moodswings of no-sex. Some people eat. Or smoke. Or do inane physical activities. Or anxiously plan out the “next time”. But as we all know, people react funny to long spans of time that go without getting laid. It’s a fact — sex is as natural and necessary as eating! There are many reasons why we don’t fuck as often as we should. Emotional state, schedule, jobs, other responsibilties, relationship issue, “can’t” find the right person to get with, and so on and so on and so on. But really, we all need and deserve a happy, healthy sex life. Be good to your body! Fuck more! Don’t worry about your appearance if that’s what troubles you. Self-confidence is the hottest thing you could ever “wear”, and it’s invisible 😉 The more honest and happy you are with YOURSELF first, the more people and things and events will line up for you. Especially at crotch-level ; ) 

So get with it. Happy discovering. Find something to inspire you to learn a new tactic today! 

Here’s some music to set the mood. And some fun positions. Enjoy!! And for added inspiration, read Annabelle’s diary in full.

http://www.sexinfo101.com/sexualpositions.shtml

There’s no excuse now! Sex positions for different heights, weights, penis sizes and energy levels! Holy shit!

One of the best songs from a damn good movie, it’s “Sensual Woman” by The Herbaliser