In “A Drop in the Mercury“, Thelma has a distorted vision of what life would be like in prison. For the most part, she understands the hierarchical systems involved, and, that she wouldn’t be able to survive in that kind of environment. She longs for chaos. She longs for a perpetual state of arousal — emotional and mental arousal — that prison seeks to quell and altogether destroy.

Most people are familiar with the derogatory images and ideas (moreso than porn, I think) associated with women in prison: babes behind bars, raving horny chicks turning to lesbianism, women being “worse than” men in prison because of the violence, etc.

This image is an example of the classic stereotype we know and love, one that still “robs” a woman of any ability of being genuinely aggressive, hostile, or anything else “unfeminine.”

But what’s it really like to be a woman in prison? Let’s start with some facts.

It sucks. As it does for a man in prison. Who the fuck wants their rights taken away? Their families? Their children?

The number of women in prison is on the rise. By the early 90’s, female prisoners were 9.3% of the nation’s incarcerated population. The majority of women in prison, as with men, are women of color, from poor backgrounds or generally “low” social standing. An overwhelming amount of women in prison are also mothers of children under the age of 18.

The subculture that develops evolves from a number of factors. In “Prison: Prisons for Women – Prison Subcultures“, an interesting set of definitions for ways of life in womens prisons is described. In short, many of the subcultures that evolve come from women trying to preserve the identities they had before landing in prison. Some seek to stay out of trouble, others don’t care and continue the violent lives that led them in prison to begin with. Others still adapt to survive, and end up becoming people they weren’t before they ended up in prison, in order to not be harmed or killed.

One’s sex life of course changes once in prison. A common thing is the development of “studs” and “femmes”, the personas of a more masculine and ultra-feminine woman, as described in this ABC story “Inside a Maximum Security Women’s Prison.”

This video touches on the spiritual and emotional journies of women in prison, as they near the end of their sentences or are just beginning them:

Doin’ It vs. Not Doin’ It

Doin’ It. 

Ah, you gotta love the joy of sex. Not the book (though I’ve heard it’s good). The actual joy — the thrill of the chase, the first kiss, the wonder of what the other person will feel like, or what their reaction will be when you do your favorite signature “thing” you like to do to a lover. Or simply the familiarity of a partner, the secureness of adventure, the unclaimed then reclaimed territories of your bodies and imaginations. The work, the “happy soreness” of the next day, the noises, the ideas, all of it!

In Annabelle’s diary in The Distance Between Here and Space, she writes: “Maybe that’s why people are so insistent on judging promiscuous people – sex brings out the deepest and the weirdest and the truest parts of you.”

And oftentimes that is true. What good things has it brought out in you? Have you discovered anything through it?

From discovering our beauty as humans to loving the feeling of giving and receiving pleasure, to “hey I had NO idea I could bend that way!”, one discovers some interesting things about themselves during sex. As someone who spent several years reclaiming or sexuality and her right to it, it’s something that’s even MORE special and fun when you discover the self-ownership that comes with it as well.

Not Doin’ It

Ah the moodswings of no-sex. Some people eat. Or smoke. Or do inane physical activities. Or anxiously plan out the “next time”. But as we all know, people react funny to long spans of time that go without getting laid. It’s a fact — sex is as natural and necessary as eating! There are many reasons why we don’t fuck as often as we should. Emotional state, schedule, jobs, other responsibilties, relationship issue, “can’t” find the right person to get with, and so on and so on and so on. But really, we all need and deserve a happy, healthy sex life. Be good to your body! Fuck more! Don’t worry about your appearance if that’s what troubles you. Self-confidence is the hottest thing you could ever “wear”, and it’s invisible 😉 The more honest and happy you are with YOURSELF first, the more people and things and events will line up for you. Especially at crotch-level ; ) 

So get with it. Happy discovering. Find something to inspire you to learn a new tactic today! 

Here’s some music to set the mood. And some fun positions. Enjoy!! And for added inspiration, read Annabelle’s diary in full.

There’s no excuse now! Sex positions for different heights, weights, penis sizes and energy levels! Holy shit!

One of the best songs from a damn good movie, it’s “Sensual Woman” by The Herbaliser